Dusting Off My Blog

As I was wandering around my house today doing random chores of a completely uninteresting nature, I decided it was time to stop in and visit an old friend...my blog. I wanted to see what my blog had been up to in my absence. Well, what do you know? It's been up to absolutely nothing. If my blog were a knick knack on my bookshelf, it would be covered with dust right about now. Neglected and ignored for a few months, I'm surprised my blog even bothered to let me log in. Fortunately, it's fairly forgiving that way. Is it really possible that my last entry was on October 8? My last post was last year! So I sat for a moment and thought about an explanation for my absence.

Ahh, yes. There was the matter of that little novel I decided to write during the month of November. I took the plunge and decided to participate in National Novel Writing Month, an event in which thousands of insane eager people all over the world commit to writing at least a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. Yes, I love to write, but I had never taken on a project of that magnitude and as I started typing at midnight on November 1st, I figured I would have a difficult time seeing it to completion. Imagine my surprise on November 30 when I completed my first draft with 53,794 words! I started the month with a very basic plot idea and a few characters rattling around in my head and somehow the ideas kept forming and the characters kept talking to me and the words kept going onto the page. It was definitely an exhilirating feeling to see it through to the end. Of the over 167,000 people who signed up to participate this year, 19% reached the 50,000 word goal and I was among them! However, after that marathon of writing in November, my desire to write so much as a grocery list in December was pretty much non-existent. I barely worked up the enthusiasm to do our annual family Christmas letter. I was all written out. Thus, I completely ignored my blog. (Blog? What blog?) Combine that lack of writing enthusiasm with the holidays, the kids (and husband) home for two weeks and our adoption of a new puppy (meet JJ, our newest family member, pictured below) and December blogging just wasn't in the cards.

Now January is another story. The holidays were over, the kids went back to school and we were adjusting to life with our new puppy and yet I wasn't writing. I think I went into a bit of a "new year coma". The promise of the new year and the clean slate left me feeling a little overwhelmed. Should I focus on my health and fitness goals? My writing goals? My photography goals? What actions should I take to make sure 2010 was a year of satisfaction and fulfillment? The multitude of ideas swirling around in my head made it difficult for me to find a focus. It's the old "stacking the books" problem again. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, so forgive me if I have. When I was in college, I used to get very stressed and overwhelmed prior to exams. I would stack the books up in front of me and try to figure out where to begin. Which subject needed the most attention? Which exam was likely to be most difficult? Inevitably, I would pick up the phone and call my mom in a panic. She would calmly tell me the same thing every time. "Stop stacking up the books, Kelly. Just open one and get started." Of course, she was right. Now that I'm an adult and exams are a thing of the past, I tend to "stack the books" at a couple key points every year. January. September, when the kids go back to school. I put the pressure on myself to set big goals and make something happen and instead I often end up hitting a brick wall instead. Talk about setting myself up for failure.

In an effort not to hit that brick wall this year, I took a couple key steps at the beginning of the new year. First, I sat down with Annie and Caroline and we each made a vision board of what we'd like to focus on for the coming year. We had a good time making them and mine is filled with all kinds of inspirational quotes and pictures that emphasize the areas where I want to focus my energy this year. (Here's a great article I found that explains vision boards if you're interested in more information.)

Once the kids went back to school, I went to work on getting some of my physical surroundings in an order that made me happy. Our house is by no means messy, but there were some underlying issues that bothered me. I cleaned out our file cabinets. I sorted through a bunch of random paper and shredded, filed and recycled it. I re-organized some frequently used cupboards. I re-organized my desk space and my writing notebooks. I got these most commonly used areas of our home into a better system that is working for me now instead of against me. These spaces are much more conducive to working and I don't feel like they're mocking me all the time while I'm trying to write. (What? Paper piles don't mock you?)

I feel like the efforts I've made have already started to pay off as I get that inspiration to begin writing full force again. I've printed out my NaNo novel and started the editing process. I'm working on some article ideas for my position as Milwaukee Family and Parenting Examiner on examiner.com. I'm brainstorming ideas for some magazine articles I'd like to try submitting for publication. And, of course, I'm working on several ideas for my blog. I would like nothing more than to make 2010 the year that I start making writing a business rather than simply a hobby.

Another plan I have this year is to set smaller, more achievable goals for myself rather than these big grandiose ideas that have the potential to set me up for failure. I'll include some of those goals in a follow-up post this week. I'm all about accountability this year and posting my goals on this blog helps to hold me accountable. It gives anyone reading this blog permission to ask me, "Hey, how's that going?" Don't be afraid to do that. Really. And if you're working toward a particular goal(s) this year, please feel free to share it with me here or via email so we can encourage each other. I think it makes the journey so much more enjoyable and tolerable when we know we're not in it alone.

My Husband, My Witness

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
-Susan Sarandon's character, Beverly Clark, in "Shall We Dance"

The movie from which that quote originated premiered in theaters in October 2004. It wasn't necessarily a fantastic movie. Entertaining, yes, but not an award-winner. But I have special memories of it because it was the last movie I ever saw with my mom in a theater. She was weak, had difficulty walking and was experiencing some confusion at times, but she wanted to see that movie and she and I went together. I'll always remember that. Two months later, she was admitted to the hospital and spent the next 10 months either there or in a nursing home before she passed away due to complications of diabetes.

Recently, when the movie aired on regular television, that shared experience with my mom came flooding back to me, along with that quote that I found to be so powerful the first time I heard it. In our daily lives, often hectic, often monotonous, it's easy to forget the important role a spouse or significant other truly plays in our lives. They aren't just there to help the kids do their homework or mow the lawn or pay the bills, though it's those mundane tasks that take up so much of our precious time. They truly are the witness to our lives. They see it all with us, take it all in and hold those memories for us. When we forget the details of an event, they help us remember. When we celebrate a success or mourn a loss, they are there to share it and witness it with us. They witness the joy on our face when we receive a welcome surprise and the tears we shed when something hurts us deeply. And they hold those moments in their memory as well, to be shared for years to come.

I am so blessed to have a husband who witnesses my life with me. When I've had a tough day, he sees it in the way I carry myself and he is there to reach out and squeeze my hand. In that moment, he is letting me know that my pain is not unnoticed. When I'm snuggled on the couch with the kids, reading them a book, he's there to see it and someday when I'm old and gray, I'm counting on him to reminisce with me about those moments that passed so quickly, when our kids were young and loved to hear me read to them. He was there to witness the birth of our son and I love knowing that we share that memory together. He was also there when I found out my mother had passed away. I still remember that moment like it was yesterday, but it's so comforting to know he was there when I got the news.

It can be so easy to move through the often-repetitive activities of daily life on auto-pilot sometimes, but our spouse is often the one that picks up on the little things we do, or something funny the kids do, and points it out to us, then files that little moment away to perhaps share with us again sometime. It's those little moments that become the "inside jokes" we all share with our spouses over the years.

I love photography and capture so many moments in photos, yet there are some places and times when a camera isn't allowed or would be a nuisance. Those are the moments when I know Steve will be my "camera". He'll remember the time I fell off my horse while horseback riding in the ocean on our honeymoon. He'll remember the Marc Cohn concert we went to last weekend and how great it was that we were finally seeing him in person after talking about how much we both liked him ten years earlier when we first met. He'll share the memories of the first time our kids rode a two-wheeler or the day we adopted Smudge, our tiny little puppy who grew into a 60-pound dog or the day we rushed Caroline to the hospital for 17 stitches after she fell into her dresser.

Before I grew up and went off to college, my parents were the witnesses for many of the events in my life. I realize that's the role I play for my own children now (and thanks to my obsession with photography, so many of those moments are captured forever). But I'm so glad I'm not alone in that journey. I cherish Steve as my husband, my partner, and a witness to my busy, silly, emotional, memorable life...and I love being a witness to his life in return.

Wanted: One Sense of Direction

I've always joked about my poor sense of direction. I'm convinced the GPS was one of the greatest inventions of all time and I'm sure the years my father spent helping me find my way to and from various places, followed by my husband taking over that coveted role, would cause them to agree. I can now find my way to all kinds of places with the touch of a few buttons. What a beautiful thing.

What I've recently come to realize is that I could really use a similar contraption to help me find my way in LIFE. My head is spinning with ideas and unrealized dreams and I just don't seem to know which way to turn first. My poor sense of direction seems to have flowed into my daily life and I truly wish my next move could be spelled out for me as clearly as it is on my GPS. Instead of "In 300 yards, turn left", wouldn't it be great if someone could authoritatively say to me, "In 15 days, start freelance writing" or "In two months, begin a photography business".

I don't know exactly what's holding me back. Perhaps it's fear of the unknown, too many passions and not enough time to attempt them all, confusion over which idea means the most to me or a combination of them all. Why do I have to have so many crazy big dreams? If only I knew the one perfect thing I most wanted to do and I could just start pursuing that dream right now. But alas, my dreams are many. I would love to pursue photography. I desperately want to write and publish my writing in some form or another. I have book ideas swirling around in my head. I have always wanted to own a bookstore. I'd love to turn my blog into something amazing. In what seems like another life, I was a special education teacher and I still feel the call to work with children in some capacity. See what I mean? Way too many crazy big dreams. Add to that the fact that I truly love being a wife and mother, taking care of our home, being here when the kids get home from school, baking cookies, preparing home-cooked meals and volunteering at school and you get a mom with crazy big dreams that need to fit into a flexible schedule. I'm not asking for much, am I?

With the start of a new season, I always seem to get that itch to refocus and evaluate my life's direction. Right now, my GPS would probably say "recalculating" as I seem to just keep turning in circles, looking for an answer that I know, deep down, can only be found inside of me. There is no one else who can answer this question for me. All I know is that it's time. Time to start moving in a direction and at least see how it goes. Time is marching on and I don't want to look back and regret wasting it on too much thought and not enough action.

The summer was such a busy time with the kids and our activities together. My in-laws were also staying with us for the past month while they waited to move into their new condo. Those events provided a great excuse to put my plans on hold while I tended to the needs of my family. But I'm running out of excuses and I know it's time to truly discover my life's direction. With so many passions, pursuing any of them is likely to bring me joy and in that sense, it's almost impossible for me to go wrong.

I've always been a fan of checklists, written goals and having a plan of some sort. I'm flexible enough to recognize when the plan isn't working and needs to change, but I definitely see the value in having one. My plan right now is to spend the next few weeks researching some of the ideas I'd like to pursue, writing down some pros and cons and listening to what my heart is telling me. Within a few weeks, I know I need to be taking some action in a specific direction. It's time to stop "recalculating" and figure out which way to turn. Making that turn might be a little scary, but sitting still and spinning my wheels sure isn't working for me anymore. I know there's so much more out there that I want to do.

Is there a dream you'd like to pursue? Please share in the comments and perhaps we can support each other in that journey.

Four Years and Four Million Memories

Four years ago today, I lost my best friend, my mom, to diabetes. During that time, the Earth has continued to rotate, we've elected a new President, my oldest entered middle school, my youngest went from a toddler to a little boy, I've been to new places and seen new things, I've struggled, I've cried, I've laughed, I've tried to figure out where life should take me next. So many times, my hand has reached out for the phone to call her and seek her advice. So many times, I've seen her face in a crowded place or heard a voice that reminded me of hers, only to realize it was someone else. So many times, I've thought to myself "She would've loved this" or even "She would've hated this", not able to ask her myself but just knowing, because I knew her so well, as she knew me.

She missed my 40th birthday, my oldest daughter becoming a teenager, my middle daughter performing in the school talent show, my son learning to read so easily. She missed my niece getting married and buying her first home, my nephew starting to look at colleges, another niece starting high school this year. It still doesn't seem fair, even after four years, that a woman who spent her entire life focused on family and nurturing those she loved would now be missing so many major moments in our lives, moments she would've cherished and celebrated. The hole she left behind never goes away. She was one of a kind.

Yet as the years have passed, I've had to rely on my instincts and all the things she taught me to get through those challenges where I would've normally picked up the phone and said "What do you think I should do?" And, you know what? Most of the time, I've been really proud of the answers I came up with for myself. She gave me an incredible foundation and set such a great example and I know she didn't truly leave me alone to fend for myself. She gave me the tools I needed and I'm making it work. I hear her words come out of my mouth sometimes when I'm talking to my children and I think "There she is again" and I know I'm not alone. My mother helped me become the mother I am today and there's a little part of her there in so many of the things I do. Even her illness inspires me, because I know she wouldn't want any of her children or grandchildren to travel the painful road of health issues that she had. She's my inspiration to get to the gym when I really don't want to work out, my motivation to make healthy choices for myself and my family. I can't think of a better way to honor her than for her struggles and her courage to make a difference in the way we live our lives for the better.

Last week while on vacation in Colorado, we had an abundance of hummingbirds at the house we rented. Hummingbirds have reminded me of my mom since she passed away (see the sidebar on my blog). Call it a coping mechanism, but these tiny visitors last week were a wonderful reminder that she is still in my heart, even though she is no longer physically with us.

When we first lost my mom, it was all I could do to think of her without crying. Four years later, I'm happy to say that I often think of her without crying. Oh, it still happens (like right now), but more often the memories make me smile. I know she'd be glad about that.

I love you, Mom. And I'm proud to say your legacy lives on:

The Teen Years Are Here

On Monday of this week, my amazing first-born daughter, Annie, celebrated her thirteenth birthday. Yes, I am now the parent of a teenager. I know it sounds cliche', but I truly am grappling with the concept that 13 years have already passed since a doctor first told me "It's a girl!" and actually let me walk out of the hospital with this amazing little being in my arms...to keep and love forever! It's been quite an adventure thus far and we now enter the next dimension...parenting a teenager.

At the risk of embarassing her (because it doesn't take much to embarass a teenager, as we all know), I wanted to share some thoughts with Annie about what it means to me to be her mom.

My Dear Annie,

Thirteen years ago, my greatest wish was granted when I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. I played "house" as a little girl and I always wanted to be the mom. I'm not sure what makes a person want to be a mom from such a young age and to know it's part of their destiny. Perhaps it was the deep love I felt for my own mother or perhaps it was just some internal instinct. As I grew older, I was certainly able to express my reasons more clearly...the desire to nurture and love another person, to create a special childhood for them, to perhaps leave a little piece of myself behind when I leave this world someday.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you were a hope and a dream before you became a reality. That could certainly be a lot to live up to, don't you think? After all, what if you didn't live up to my expectations? That's the funny thing, though. Even though I hoped and dreamed about my own child, I didn't have any expectations of what you would be like or even if you'd be a boy or a girl. I was just fascinated to see who exactly I would be blessed with as my child and excited about the journey ahead of us.

To say you've been a precious gift would be an understatement. You began talking at a very young age and could speak short sentences by the time you were 14 months old. Your vocabulary was incredible. Your obsession with books (a passion of my own since childhood) started early and delighted me to no end. You were a happy, funny, inquisitive little girl who brought so much joy to the lives of everyone who knew you.

As you've grown, it's been an amazing journey to watch you develop your own unique personality. Your witty and clever sense of humor keeps us on our toes. You have an intense need to do the right thing and hate to disappoint anyone. You're a loyal friend and people warm up to you easily. Though I have no clue where you get it from, your gift for playing the clarinet has been a delight to watch for the past three years and I look forward to watching you develop even further as a musician in the years ahead.

I think every parent probably looks at their child as if looking in a mirror from time to time, wondering "Where am I in this human being I helped to create?" With you, it's often very easy for me to see myself. There's the obvious comments we get from people all the time that we look alike, but what I love most is seeing your love of reading, the way you take every free moment as an opportunity to read just a few more pages. I love the pleasure you take in writing and your strong spelling skills. I recognize myself in your sensitivity and your gregarious nature and your fear of performing alone in front of a crowd. I melt when I watch your gentle, patient, loving way with Aunt Wendy. Those are all things that make me say "Yep, I had a little something to do with this."

However, I think my greatest pride comes not from the ways we are alike, but the ways we are different. There are two things I admire deeply about you, Annie. One is your ability to laugh at yourself. You don't take things too seriously and you have a great attitude when you do something clumsy or slightly embarassing. Not many people your age have that skill. The trait I probably love most about you, though, is your self-confidence. You don't try to be something you're not or change your personality to fit a certain group of kids at school. You are just Annie: smart, friendly, funny, a little clumsy, playful, polite, generous, eager to do well in school and just a beautiful person inside and out. You're not perfect and you don't pretend to be. You don't pretend to like or not like something because of what other people might think of you. This is truly an incredible character trait, one that many people struggle with even in adulthood, and I hope it will always stay with you. I think I'm just starting to develop that skill myself and I'm 40. :)

There are going to be some challenges in the years ahead, from your desire for more and more independence to so many "firsts" like high school, dating and learning to drive. I look forward to the adventure with you, my beautiful daughter. You will "fall" from time to time as you learn to navigate the world as a young adult, but I will always be here to catch you...no matter what. I love you, Gracie.

Love,
Mom

Do You Notice the Little Things?

I had always assumed that most people notice the same things I do. I mean, how do you miss a gorgeous sunset or a mama bird feeding her baby on the deck? But I had an exchange with my husband last night that made me realize we really do all see things in different ways (or in some cases, we miss them completely).

Yesterday evening, Theo had a swim lesson. Since Steve met us there on his way home from work, we had two cars and had to drive home separately. Theo rode with me and as we were driving down a very open stretch of road I noticed the most gorgeous sky. There were quite a few thick, puffy clouds and the sun was peeking through some of them. The rays from the sun were shining down onto the Earth and they seemed to be doing that in both directions as far as the eye could see. It was one of those "Darn it, I wish I had the camera!" moments (the photo above is one I took a couple years ago). I pointed it out to Theo and he was in awe of how beautiful it was (he loves stuff like that). He and I kept glancing over to admire the scene and shortly before we got home, I decided to call Steve on his cell phone and ask him if he'd seen it (all the while thinking that of course he had...how could you miss that??) His response? "No, I didn't notice", followed by "Oh yeah, I see it now." Huh.

Now before you think my husband is just an oblivious person, I have to clarify that it couldn't be further from the truth. Steve is a mechanical engineer and his job depends on his attention to detail. Measurements must be exact on every part his company produces. He once brought home a tool he uses frequently at work so he could show the kids how it could measure the thickness of a strand of hair on their head! Yep, that precise. He does all kinds of carpentry projects around the house and gets disappointed about some tiny flaw that no one could possibly notice but him. He does indeed notice little things, but they are often things I can't be bothered to even think about at all.

What do I notice? The beginnings of a gorgeous sunset, a bee on a flower, dewdrops on a leaf, a mama robin feeding her baby a worm in the backyard, the way the sun shines through the trees, the moon when it's still visible in the sky in the daylight, the dizzying display of color at the farmer's market. I consider every one of those things a reminder of the beauty of our amazing planet.

The things I see in nature strike a chord with me and make me feel happy and peaceful. Naturally, I want everyone to see and experience that and when I realized that not everyone does (and frankly, not everyone even wants to) I had to stop and think about that for a moment. Each of us notices the things that matter most to us. I imagine that also means that some people are most interested in what other people look like or how they accessorize an outfit while others notice unique architecture or every car that passes by. The world would be a boring place if we all noticed the same things and had the same interests, right?

I guess it's the reason I love photography so much. I love capturing a special moment or something beautiful I discover in the world around me and then sharing those images with others so that just for a brief moment, they can see what I saw and hopefully appreciate it in their own way. I know I've learned a great deal about the world by looking at images captured by other photographers and in some ways I think it's helped me to notice things that I myself might have missed if I'd been in the same place at the same time.

What kinds of things do you find yourself noticing most often? What new things could you focus on this week that you might otherwise miss? There's a great big world of things to see out there and I, for one, want to see as many as I can.

Want to take a look at some of the things I've seen recently? Check out my photoblog.

Life Lessons Learned at Boot Camp

A week ago, I completed my month-long fitness boot camp and since then I've been eager to share my thoughts on the experience. If only daily life would stop getting in the way of my desire to update my blog...

I signed up for a women-only fitness boot camp for the month of June after quite a bit of contemplation and weighing of what I perceived to be the pros and cons. I asked several friends if they would like to join me for the experience and while a few said they would if they had the money or if it didn't conflict with their husband's work schedule, others flat-out told me "You're crazy, but good luck!" or my personal favorite response "I'd rather drive bamboo into my fingernails!" You have to appreciate honesty, right? I couldn't blame any of them. After all, I had my doubts as well. This class met from 5:30-6:30 in the MORNING. I previously made it a firm habit never to be awake at 5:30 in the morning. I'm a night owl by nature. I love staying up late, often to the chagrin of my poor husband and certainly to the detriment of my sleep cycle. I couldn't help it, though. I've been a night owl since the time I was old enough to choose my own bedtime (high school) and old habits are indeed hard to break.

It was with a nervous heart that I would head to my first boot camp class alone. The alarm went off at 4:50 a.m. and I got up, dressed and tiptoed out the door at 5:15 while the rest of my family slept peacefully in their beds. There were thick clouds in the sky and the weather was chilly, but I was proud of myself for making it there on time. A group of thirty women gathered in the park, some of them with a friend but others on their own like me. Early into our workout, a few raindrops began to fall. No big deal. Then a few more started falling and a few more and by the last 15 minutes of class, while we were lying on our mats in the parking lot doing abdominal exercises, the rain poured down on us. All I could do was laugh. I paid money for this?? To get rained on while doing intensive exercises at 5:30 in the morning. Maybe I really was crazy.

On the way home that first morning, a feeling of empowerment came over me. In just one class, I had accomplished things I didn't know I had in me, from getting up before dawn to exercising with a bunch of women I didn't know in the pouring rain. It was the beginning of what developed into a great experience. I'll never forget my husband's face when I walked in the door, water dripping off my hair and my clothes soaked to my skin. His expression was a mixture of admiration and pity. I could tell he had as much pride in me as I had in myself, though, and I was ready for more of this crazy adventure.

A photo Steve took of me when I got home that first morning:



Four weeks later, we said our goodbyes to boot camp. I missed only one of my 16 classes (due to illness). I discovered I had shin splints, but I worked through the pain. I pushed myself hard at every class. I wasn't new to exercise, but we did things in boot camp that really challenged me during every single class. I learned a few valuable "life lessons" from the experience as well:

*Sunrises are stunning. I've always been a sunset kind of girl, but I discovered that sunrises are worth waking up for and a beautiful way to start the day.

*Women are wonderful at bonding and supporting each other in any situation. Thirty women, many of them strangers, cheered for and encouraged each other and became fast friends with a shared purpose.

*It IS possible to create new habits. I was definitely not a morning person, but I got up at 4:50 in the morning 15 times during the month of June and I lived to tell about it.

*Getting my exercise done early in the morning gives me more energy and starts my day off with a sense of accomplishment right off the bat. I loved the days where I was done exercising, home and showered before the kids even woke up.

*Consistency and a "can do" attitude really do make a difference in any situation.

*Compare yourself to no one. Compete against only yourself. In our camp, we had women of all shapes, sizes, ages and fitness levels. It wasn't a competition. I loved seeing people accomplish new things and I loved pushing myself to see what I could do in each new situation.

In the end, I had a great sense of accomplishment. I lost a little weight and my clothes are looser. I haven't re-taken my measurements yet, but I know I lost inches. During the first week, we ran a mile and did as many push-ups as we could. We did that again on the last day to see our progress. I did 30 push-ups on my toes! The first week, I did 24 (also on my toes). My arms were already pretty strong, so I was happy to see that progress. I was especially amazed at my progress in the mile, though. I have a history of asthma and knee problems, but on that last day I took just under two minutes off my time in the mile! I can remember times during the month when I would push myself to reach various milestones along the walking/jogging path. The first day, I was lucky if I jogged an eighth of a mile without having to take a break and walk for a bit. On the last day, I went almost a half mile before I needed to walk for a bit...and I was able to start running again after just a short walking break! To some, that might not seem far, but to a girl who has never been a fan of running and who had to wear two knee braces and try not to have an asthma attack on that last day, it was a huge accomplishment!

I am so glad I took on the boot camp challenge for myself. It changed me in some of the ways I'd hoped it would and in others I never expected. Yes, it was a great challenge for my "year of turning 40" and the life lessons I learned will always be with me.

Friday Reflections...And Some Change Will Do Me Good

Today I'm reflecting on the week that was, but I also can't let this post go by without a preview of some changes on the horizon.

First, though, the things I am grateful for this week:

:: A wonderful trip to New Jersey last weekend. I saw old friends, laughed and reminisced, spent time with my in-laws, had some one-on-one time with Caroline, spent a fun-filled day exploring New York City and thoroughly enjoyed a few days away from chores and technology.



:: The successful completion of a very vigorous rock scrambling adventure in New York state. The location is at Lake Mohonk and after hiking about 2 miles to the start of the rock scrambling, we then spent the next hour and 15 minutes (or more) climbing over, under, down and around huge rocks and boulders of all shapes and sizes.



We squeezed into areas I never thought possible and there are really no words to properly describe the adventure. There were some intense moments, but it was exhilirating and fun and quite empowering. The views at the end were worth the journey.



:: Those who listen when I'm having a tough day. We all need those people we can truly count on in our daily lives.

:: The friends of my children whom I truly enjoy having around. The ones who are polite and friendly and genuinely good kids. The ones who say what they mean and mean what they say. It's such a pleasure to see my children have friends like that.

:: A less hectic schedule for the kids this summer. Daily swim club from 7-9 three mornings a week for the past two years was rough, but the girls decided to take a break from it this year and have a more low-key summer. Each of them has a week of camp (overnight band camp for Annie, creative writing day camp for Caroline and YMCA day camp for Theo) and a couple small activities here and there, but we are going to be all about fun and relaxation as a family this summer.

:: Our two dogs who make me feel like the most important person on Earth every time I walk in the door. What would I do without them? I can't imagine walking into an empty house with no dogs there to greet me with a chew toy and say "welcome home" with a wag of their tail.



:: Sunshine, warmer temperatures, veggies growing in the garden, a spontaneous family game of kickball in the backyard, the smell of freshly cut grass...in other words, the full-blown arrival of spring, with summer just around the bend

And now for the second part of my post. There are changes in the air right now for me and I'm really excited about them. First, I was selected as the Milwaukee Parenting Examiner for examiner.com. I've only written my first article so far due to my trip to New Jersey, but expect to see more in the very near future. I see this as a great opportunity to get some of my writing online so that I can use them as examples for future freelance assignments I plan to pursue.

I've also been asked by a friend from high school whom I reconnected with on Facebook if I would take her wedding photos for her. She's having a small wedding in June and I am really thrilled that she felt my photos were impressive enough to ask me to photograph her wedding. I've also offered to photograph another friend's new baby and her two big brothers as a baby gift to give me some added practice with newborn baby photos. I don't know what the future holds for me in regard to photography but I have such an intense passion for it and if I could turn that into something I could do even as a part-time career and bring joy to others with my photos, I would be thrilled.

I feel like these opportunities have presented themselves for a reason and I am just going with the flow and looking forward to finding out what it all might mean for the future. This is what I've been waiting for, after a 2008 spent trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, this year seems to be a year for action and risk-taking and being open to every opportunity that comes my way.

Perhaps the craziest thing I've decided to take on is a women's fitness boot camp! I start on Monday and it meets 4 days a week from 5:30 to 6:30 in. the. morning. Yes, you heard me. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I am a night owl. I feel like a child if I go to bed before 10:30 and 11:30 is a much more common bedtime for me. I'm going to be waking up at about 4:45 a.m. to get to boot camp on time. Um, the only time I EVER get up that early is to use the bathroom and promptly go back to bed. I usually get up somewhere between 6:20 and 7:00. 4:45 and I have never been properly introduced, but apparently we're going to get to know each other quite well. The agreement I signed when I registered for boot camp includes remembering to set my alarm and being there on time (not always my strong suit) or face a penalty of 20 push-ups. My one saving grace is that since starting Body Pump in January, I can do a lot more push-ups than I used to, but who really wants to do 20 of them in front of the rest of the class, right? This boot camp is about a lot of things to me...fitness and continuing my mission toward being the healthiest I've been in years, but also pushing my own personal boundaries, testing my limits, doing things I didn't think I could do. I will certainly be sharing the boot camp journey on my blog so I hope you'll come along for the ride. And I promise you don't have to get up at 4:45 in the morning to do it, either. You just check in whenever the mood strikes.

Here's hoping you have much to be grateful for this week and that you're pushing your own personal boundaries in some area of your life as well. If not, why not? It's what keeps life interesting.

Friday Reflections

It's time for Friday Reflections and I will be brief today because I am swamped with things to do. I am heading out to New Jersey with my middle daughter tomorrow to visit my in-laws and see some old friends and I am really looking forward to it.

Today, I am grateful for...

:: The opportunity to see old friends this weekend...because I know there will be a lot of laughter and reminiscing and who doesn't love that?

:: Feeling comfortable about visiting my in-laws without my husband. How many people can say that?

:: Special one-on-one time with Caroline, who is a completely different child when she's alone. She is always funny and creative and engaging, but when she isn't with her siblings, she is also more relaxed and easygoing and comfortable in her own skin. Aren't we all a little different when we don't feel like we're competing with anyone else?

:: The fact that I work well under pressure because I've barely packed a thing and we leave bright and early tomorrow, but I know it will all get done.

::The beautiful summer-like weather we had most of this week. It's been a nice preview of things to come.

:: My thriving gardens! Some of the seeds we planted have started to emerge as plants and it's so exciting to watch that transformation.

:: A husband who takes a crazy last-minute idea I have and works together with me to make it happen. We decided at 1:00 on Sunday afternoon to tear down a huge part of the kids' playset that they no longer use, lay down landscaping fabric, spread mulch and move the trampoline to that area and we completed the whole project in 7 hours. It looks great!



:: The soldiers who fought and died for our country and those who continue to protect us as we honor them on Memorial Day

Wishing you a wonderful holiday weekend spent with the ones you love!

Striving for Balance

I’m kicking myself right now. I’m sitting in the amazing tree house that my husband built for our children. I love it up here. The breeze is blowing through the screens on the windows and I see nothing but trees in front of me. As you can see from the photo, our tree house has several comforts of home.

What I love even more are the things it does NOT have: internet (well, I actually could get it up here but I’m pretending I can’t), television, phones, appliances of any kind. There are no interruptions up here. No annoying phone calls to ask if I want my carpets cleaned for free, no temptations to catch up on a t.v. show or see what’s happening on Facebook or throw in a load of laundry instead of giving myself permission to write.

And that is why I’m kicking myself. A few hours ago, I was determined to get into the tree house to write. But then I realized I hadn’t had lunch yet. And while I was having lunch, I may as well finish the season finale of “Lost” (finally). Oh, and I needed to empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen and catch up on a couple blogs. Oh yeah, and I needed to respond to a couple emails and figure out what I need to pack for my trip this weekend and take care of some other odds and ends around the house. And the next thing you know it’s 2:45 and I have an hour until the school day ends and the bus arrives. The evening craziness will ensue and before I know it, another day will be done.

Time management has never been my strength. I can find ways to stall or avoid an unpleasant task as well as anyone. I spread myself too thin and then struggle to keep up. I don’t allow myself enough time to get certain things done and then I have to rush. It’s a vicious cycle and frankly, it’s one I hate. But these habits are so ingrained that it can be very difficult to just let them go and create new patterns. I always get the jobs done, but at what price to my well-being?

But here’s the biggest kick in the pants of all. Like I said, I get the jobs done. But so often the “me time” I take doesn’t feel like quality “me time” when I reflect back on it. It’s a gorgeous day here. I’m home alone without any people to interrupt me. I wanted to go to the tree house and write. Yet I did all those other things instead and now I’m annoyed with myself because I've only left myself an hour to write. So what if I have to empty the dishwasher or throw in that load of laundry later instead of right now? Or if I don’t get to watch the rest of “Lost” until the next rainy day? Would it be the end of the world if I didn’t know what my friends were doing on Facebook today? There is so much more peace and focus to be found when I step away from the chores and the technology when the mood strikes me instead of waiting until EVERYTHING ELSE is done. Because you know what? Everything else will NEVER be done. Just when you think the whole house is clean, the cycle starts again. Just when you think the emails are all caught up, you get five more.

What it really comes down to is priorities and finding balance. For example, I love Twitter. I have found a wealth of writing resources and information and even inspiration there. But sometimes I see all these writers posting there on a very regular basis and I wonder “When do they write?” “How do they get it all done?” “Who is cleaning their bathrooms??” True balance eludes me. There are books and courses on the subject. There are people who profess to have found it. It's something I crave in my life. I don’t mean the ability to be all things to all people with myself on the bottom of that list. I've been there, done that and it isn’t working. I mean balancing those things I MUST do with the things I deeply WANT to do, like writing, reading, photography and continuing to get more physically fit with a little technology tossed in (like Twitter, Facebook, t.v., etc) when time allows…REALLY allows.

So I have an idea. Summer is almost upon us. The kids have about 15 days left of school. Summer is what I call “forced relaxation”. The chores are still there and the internet is still there and all the other distractions of life, but so are my three kids. And I want to enjoy them, so suddenly those other things begin to take a back burner. What I really need to do is adopt that philosophy when school is in session, too. My kids are my priorities and during the school year, writing and photography and physical fitness need to be my priorities during those school hours…not chores and technological distractions. I can’t reach my goals and dreams by continuing to put them last on the list “after everything else is done”.

I’m going to use this summer as a mental shift. Everybody will help with chores (something they already do, but not enough in my opinion) and computer time will be limited (for everyone) so that the majority of our days can be spent doing things we love. We’ve already limited our extra-curricular activities this summer to a minimal amount so that we don’t spend our days running from place to place. We won’t ignore the things that need to be done, but we will push aside the things that don’t so the priorities that bring us joy aren’t lost in the shuffle. With any luck, three months of changing that mindset will help to put new habits in place that will continue into the fall and winter and I will be that much closer to finding that sought-after balance.

What do you do to achieve balance in your life and how do you overcome the struggles? I would love your feedback in the comments.