Excuse Me While I Get on my Soapbox

I have one really major pet peeve and it's a tough one to have because for many people, this particular thing is not even a blip on their radar, much less one of their pet peeves. I know many of us share some of the same pet peeves. You know the ones. People who don't use their turn signal, people who talk with their mouth full, people who can never be wrong and the list goes on and on. Those things bug me, of course, but my biggest pet peeve by far is when people use the word "retarded" to describe someone doing something they viewed as "dumb" or "stupid". It burns me just to type that to be completely honest.

Since using that word for that purpose is much more common than I would like, I get the feeling it's viewed as socially acceptable in some way. I've been wanting to write about this for a while, but kept putting it off. I don't know why. Not wanting to use my blog as a place to lecture others on their behavior, I suppose. But I'm not singling anyone out here. I don't specifically know of anyone who reads my blog regularly (of the people I know personally) who does this. If you do this, you know you do and perhaps my thoughts on the subject will enlighten you a bit and change your way of looking at it. I do know that I hear it fairly frequently out in the world by strangers and acquaintances, both adults and young people.

So why is this such a "hot button" issue for me? My younger sister, Wendy, is deaf and mentally retarded. The "politically correct" term now is cognitively delayed. She is delayed in her functioning, certainly, but she is also very smart in many ways. She plays with my kids while I'm in another room and immediately lets me (and them) know if they are doing something she feels is unsafe or inappropriate. I wish I could say that all supposedly "typically developing" adults had the same common sense Wendy does about those things! She has a great sense of humor, is very thoughtful and helps around the house she shares with my Dad, including insisting that she clean up the kitchen after dinner every night. She is "mentally retarded", but also very capable! I also taught children with special needs for 11 years. Many of them had cognitive delays. Many of them can't speak for themselves. I hope I can be one small voice for people with cognitive disabilities.

When someone cuts you off in traffic or drives poorly, why must we equate that with someone who is lower functioning? When I hear someone yell "What are you, retarded??" it's like ten people running their nails down a chalkboard at the same time. That person is a lousy driver, or completely inconsiderate, but not retarded. Then there's the sort of "funny" way some people try to use the term. A girl bumps into something and her friend teases her with "You're so retarded." A person watches someone doing something unusual on t.v. and says "That is so retarded." When did my sister and people with disabilities like hers become the poster children for poor drivers, people who are clumsy, people who make bad choices, people who embarass themselves in some way?

People who truly have a cognitive delay didn't CHOOSE to be that way. They are doing the best they can. Life is a struggle for them in so many ways. When someone says "You're acting like a retard" do they even know what that means? Do they know someone like my sister and think that he or she acts that way because of her cognitive delay? More than likely, no. I don't really think anyone who spends time with someone who truly is delayed would consider it acceptable to use the word "retard" or "retarded" as a derogatory term in their everyday language. I realize it's most often a case of being ignorant or uninformed on the issue.

While many other derogatory terms related to race, gender or even disability have become more politically incorrect in the past several years, "retard" seems to still be deemed acceptable to use by many people. I can't tell others what to say or not say in their everyday vocabulary, but perhaps I've enlightened a few today. I hope you'll share this post with other people you know and that they will share it with others and so on. I'm inspired by the thought that we could help to teach others about people with cognitive disabilities and how inappropriate it truly is to use the term "retarded" to refer to people who knowingly do something they shouldn't (or even just make a simple mistake). It brings to mind one of my favorite quotes by author Margaret Mead:

"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can CHANGE THE WORLD. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has."

My legs are getting tired from standing on this soapbox, so I think I'll step off now. Thanks for listening. And here's a picture of my sister, Wendy, with my daughter, Caroline at a water park last weekend: