Can She Really "Have it All"?

I'm still absorbing the choice of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin as John McCain's choice for his Vice-Presidential running mate. I'll put aside my thoughts on whether she is qualified for the position or why McCain chose her in the first place. And, yes, as an Obama supporter, I am probably biased on those issues in the first place. However, there is something about this choice as a mother that is really bothering me. I'm probably stepping out on a big limb to say this, and I haven't heard even an inkling of it on the news coverage thus far, but it feels to me like her priorities are a bit askew.

Don't get me wrong here. I think women are just as qualified as men to hold one of the two highest positions in our country. As a woman and a mother of two daughters, I want my daughters to know that the sky is the limit for them. I think women are capable of both mothering and having a career that they love. I admire the fact that Sarah Palin didn't let the fact that she was the mother of four children stop her from being elected governor of Alaska. But it is a pretty huge leap to go from governor of Alaska to Vice President of the United States. I can't help but think that something will have to give in this situation. How can a woman possibly devote adequate time to her now five children and serve as VP at the same time? Perhaps she is truly a "superwoman" and can do it all, but my hunch is that her husband and hired help will be responsible for the bulk of their care, with the older children probably taking on a more parental role as well (as evidenced by the oldest daughter holding the baby during her speech today). If some unforseen circumstance occurs, she could instantly be thrust into the role of President of the United States. Is she truly prepared for that balancing act? Or will her children pay the price for her political goals?

It's not even the five children in general (four of them under age 18) that troubles me the most, though. Her youngest child was born just four months ago with Down syndrome. A new baby is a lot of work in itself, but add in the fact that this child has special needs that require early intervention and lots of special attention, and I can't help feeling that his place is with his mother. I taught early childhood special education for 11 years. During those years, I had children with all types of disabilities in my class, including children with Down syndrome. These children have the potential to thrive with early intervention and a great deal of family support, but their challenges are life-long and they will always require some support in order to function as members of society.

I realize that Sarah Palin is an experienced mother, having had four children prior to the birth of her youngest. But I don't believe she has ever been the mother of a child with special needs. It's a whole different ball game. I have many friends who can attest to that and, of course, my own parents, who raised my younger sister, Wendy, who is deaf and cognitively delayed. I grew up in a household with a child who has special needs. It can be a challenge for the "typically developing" children in a family to find their place when there is a child with special needs. The parents are in a position of needing to advocate for this child in a way they never had to with their other children. They require a great deal of time and energy and resources in order to give them the best possible chance in life. But most of all, they need their parents' love, support and attention. In addition, the siblings of the child with special needs also need to know where they fit in and they need the love and reassurance of their parents during this time of great change in the family. Trust me, I've been there.

Maybe I'm just overly emotional, but I wanted to cry for this little boy who is going to desperately need his mother as he grows, to advocate for his rights, to cheer every small accomplishment as he learns to feed himself, sit up, walk, speak and reach just about every other developmental milestone at a slower pace than his siblings likely did. He needs her to work with him on a daily basis, reinforcing what he learns in therapies and early intervention programs. How will she provide that time for him and be the Vice President of our country, or possibly even President?

My mother was a nurse when my sister, Wendy, was born with special needs. She quit her job soon after to be there for her daughter and give her every possible advantage in life, knowing the cards were stacked against her. My parents scrimped and saved to make ends meet in those early days, with five children to care for and many medical bills for their youngest child. I realize quitting their job isn't necessarily the right choice for every mother in this situation, but it would be the only choice for me.

You can call Sarah Palin a "superwoman" or "supermom" and you can praise her determination to show that women can "have it all". But can we really? Or is there that faint line in the sand where we have to say "I've been given a special task in life...the task of parenting a child with special needs...and that must be my first priority right now."

It's certainly a question for debate and there will be those who disagree with me and think she really can have it all. I think my background as a teacher of young children with special needs and as the sibling of a younger sister with special needs gives me some experience from which I draw my opinion. I realize that each person is unique in what they are capable of and how they meet the many demands in their life. I only hope that if McCain is elected, that Sarah Palin -- and her family-- are up for the challenge.